What to Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed With a New Baby - 5 Easy Tips to Help New Moms Cope
It has been a few days or weeks since your discharge from the hospital after delivering your bundle of joy! This is a beautiful time - and it can also be hard & overwhelming.
The postpartum period may not be what you expected: physically healing from the birth, feeling engorged, figuring out infant feeding, changing 12-15 diapers a day, and being ‘nap-trapped’ for most hours of the day - all while not getting any sleep.
The lack of sleep and limited time to care for yourself during the immediate postpartum period makes this a very delicate and vulnerable time for both new and experienced parents.
It makes sense you are experiencing a sense of overwhelm. The ways we have typically managed to cope with stress prior to becoming parents may not be working anymore, and we need new ways to cope.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed in your transition to motherhood, here are some tips and strategies meant to help you feel calmer in the moment. Note: These tips are not meant to replace therapy!
What to Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed as A New Mom
1. Breathing techniques
These do not have to take a long time to do - dedicating 2-5 minutes of focusing on your breathing will do.
One of my favorite breathing techniques includes paced breathing: inhale for 4 seconds through your nose and then exhale for 6 seconds, slowing the flow of air by pursing your lips and making a swoosh or whistling sound.
2. Use your senses
This skill can be incredibly grounding when your mind is racing or you're feeling paralyzed from overwhelm & anxiety.
It’s called ‘5-4-3-2-1 technique’. Simply take a moment to focus on your breathing and then identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
3. Splash your face with really cold water!
This is a distress tolerance technique that quickly helps restore your sense of calm by tipping your body temperature. You are essentially mimicking the ‘mammalian dive reflex’ that activates our parasympathetic nervous system.
4. Give yourself permission to rest!
I recognize this is not always possible given individual circumstances. If your partner, trusted family member or close friend is around to help, ask them to take care of baby duties for 20 minutes. Even just resting & closing your eyes or taking a short break can be restorative.
Taking a short break doesn’t mean you are a bad mom, it means you need to take care of yourself in order to care for your baby.
5. Check in with your thoughts & challenge them
Thoughts are extremely powerful. Our thoughts have the ability to influence how we feel and behave. Postpartum is a very delicate and vulnerable time. You may be experiencing automatic negative thoughts (ANT) or intrusive thoughts (unwanted/uncontrollable disturbing thoughts or images) about yourself, your baby, or your parenting.
Alternatively, you may have perfectionist tendencies or mismatched expectations about how things should be, contributing to the way you are feeling.
A good way to check if these thoughts are coming up for you during the postpartum period is to take a moment to slow down and pay attention in those moments of overwhelm.
Ask yourself, “What thought just went through my mind?”
Start journaling on your phone when and how frequently these thoughts are coming up for you.
Also, because these thoughts can impact our mental health in the postpartum period, consider speaking with a mental health provider.
Combat negative post-partum thoughts by challenging them
Ask yourself:
Are these thoughts helpful?
Is there an alternative way to think about the situation?
What is the evidence that these thoughts are true?
What is the evidence that this is not true?
See what you come up with and notice any changes in how you are feeling.
These are just a few strategies out of the many strategies that one can use. The important thing is to find something that can help you emotionally regulate in the moment. By staying regulated yourself, you will be able to be more attuned in the present moment to recognize what your needs are and what is not being met. It also helps your ability to stay attuned to your baby & their needs.
Coping With Stress After A Baby
The transition to parenthood is just that, a transition. Things have changed and you're figuring this all out! And that’s okay. As a new mother & therapist myself, I found it absolutely necessary to build a toolbox of coping & grounding skills for this transitional time. Building out our toolbox will take some trial and error to find the skills that work for you as each person is unique and will respond differently to all these strategies.
Something that is key for new parents is to tap into strategies like the ones I’ve listed that are brief and easily accessible. Let’s be real, you may barely have the time to shower and we need to think about making these skills doable in this stage of life.
So let’s try it. And take one step at a time. Breathe Mama. You can do it.
CBT of Central Florida offers specialized postpartum counseling for all perinatal mood & anxiety disorders. Therapist Eva S. Reichel is credentialed by Postpartum Support International (PSI) and is accepting new virtual and in-person clients. Request a consultation.