How to Get Through Sleep Deprivation With a Newborn - Tips for Improving Postpartum Sleep
Entering parenthood comes with a laundry list of adjustments, challenges, assumptions, and expectations. One of the biggest challenges that no one can prepare you for is the intense sleep deprivation that comes along with your newborn. The lack of sleep during this tender postpartum period has an incredible impact on our mental state and physical healing.
If you find that you’re not getting enough sleep postpartum, these are some evidence-based strategies to try:
Tips for Getting Through Sleep Deprivation With A Newborn
Stop the use of electronics 30 to 60 minutes before bed
Avoid any alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine in the hours before bedtime
Incorporate a consistent pre-bed ritual (consider a warm bath/shower)
Create a dark, cool, comfortable, and peaceful sleep environment
Go to bed only when sleepy!
Involve a partner or family member in night wakings/shifts:
If you are breastfeeding or nursing, consider creative ways to engage your partner in shifts (mom does the feeding and the partner does a diaper change & soothes the baby back to sleep). Alternatively, consider pumping right before bedtime so that your partner can bottle feed during the night if that feels comfortable. This may allow one longer stretch of uninterrupted sleep between feedings.
Engage in grounding strategies or “winding down” strategies right before bed to support your body & mind to slow down (i.e., progressive muscle relaxation, guided meditations). You can do this right before bedtime and after each time you are awakened to ease back into sleep.
Sleep Deprivation and PMAD
Most people hold the limiting belief that hormones alone are primarily responsible for the extreme ups and downs of new motherhood, but that is not the full picture. Other factors, like the lack of sleep due to an irregular caregiving schedule, have a role in these hormone changes and put new moms and dads at greater risk for PMAD.
What is PMAD? Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder:
Perinatal (in pregnancy or the postpartum period)
Mood (depression, bipolar, psychosis)
Anxiety (GAD, panic, OCD, PTSD)
Disorders (get in the way of daily functioning)
Even if one does not develop PMAD, most new moms and dads will notice with chronic sleep deprivation, they no longer have the bandwidth to manage their stress levels like they once used to. As a result, we suffer, our relationship with our partner suffers and our attunement to our baby suffers.
How to Cope with Sleep Deprivation with a Newborn - Setting Realistic Expectations
With that said, I want to be careful to not promote false expectations. Having the ability to engage in long stretches of sleep when an infant is depending on you for survival is no easy task. I personally remember that as a baby, my daughter constantly fought her nap schedule & bedtime or only napped in my arms.
1. Acknowledge That the Pandemic Changed the Way Our Support Systems Were Able to Help
One has to consider what social supports are around, like a trusted friend or family member, that can watch the baby as you carve out that time for yourself. Unfortunately, in the past couple of years, this type of support from extended family or friends hasn’t been a guarantee for all new parents due to the impact of Covid-19 and social distancing restrictions. As a result, many new parents were deprived of this essential need during the height of the pandemic.
2. Let go of the myth that good mothers don’t take breaks
You may also be holding the false expectation that you will sleep when the baby sleeps, as is often suggested. Personally, when I was a new mom myself, that never happened! That was the only time I felt I had to do anything ‘productive’. You may also have to ‘let go’ of that false belief that “good mothers don’t take breaks”. We shouldn’t strive to be superwoman, we instead need to care for ourselves to be able to care for others. As the common phrase goes, “put your oxygen mask on first''. We have to understand sleep is protective.
Can’t Sleep Postpartum? Anxiety Could Be To Blame
As a perinatal therapist who sees many new parents for postpartum counseling, a common screening question I ask is, “Tell me about your sleep?”. Typically, I hear a response along the lines of “Sleep? Is that thing?”.
The next question I ask is, “In those moments when you have the opportunity to sleep, can you fall asleep?” This helps me to see if the client's own anxiety or state of overwhelm is getting in the way of falling or staying asleep.
What new parents may not realize is that in this period of life, you may be hyper-aware of your baby’s signals or you may develop a heightened state of anxiety or an inability to feel relaxed when you have the chance to rest. Suddenly lying in bed, your mind might start racing or your body is suddenly tense. This can impact your ability to doze off and make the most out of the little time you have before your bundle of joy wakes up again for a nighttime feed. This can ultimately lead to new symptoms of insomnia.
If this sounds all too familiar to your experience at home, I would not get discouraged. My trusted colleague, Savannah Hipes, LCSW, is an expert in Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) and is here to share additional tips and insight:
How Pregnancy Affects Sleep
We all know to expect shifting hormones during the postpartum period, but we may not realize exactly how that affects our sleep.
Melatonin is a hormone that is naturally produced by the pineal gland and tells our body that it’s time to wind down for sleep. It jumpstarts a host of physiologic changes necessary for sleeping such as a decrease in body temperature, blood pressure, and slowing of the metabolism. During the perinatal period, the regularity of melatonin secretion is disrupted. So it makes sense that we aren’t falling asleep at the same reliable times we used to!
Since melatonin is a big part of regulating our internal biological clock (otherwise called our circadian rhythm), when it isn’t as consistent as usual we have to rely on other strategies to help our body transition from wakefulness to sleep.
Keep a regular schedule to support your circadian rhythm
Other systems that support our circadian rhythm include the timing of light exposure and eating. If we give it a reliable schedule by consistently exposing ourselves to bright light in the morning and eating at regular 3-4 hour intervals throughout the day, our brain will have a better sense of when to make us sleep.
Unfortunately, our babies are also experiencing an inconsistent circadian rhythm, mainly because they don’t develop one until 8-12 weeks old!
We can expect them to sleep between 10-18 hours daily, usually in 3-4 hour spurts, broken up by brief awakenings each hour or so. This makes it really hard for parents to know when to sleep. Doing your best to keep a regular schedule (bright light in the morning, regular eating times, a bedtime routine) will support your circadian rhythm during this funky time period when the baby isn’t used to any day/night routine at all.
Dont try to force yourself to sleep
Another idea to keep in mind is that the harder we try to force something to happen, the further away we get from it! Imagine trying to wish your itchy bug bite to stop itching. Doesn’t happen right? But the moment we decide it’s just gonna be itchy and that’s that? Boom, gone.
Sleep is the same. So sure, if the baby is sleeping and you feel sleepy, get some shut-eye! But if the sleep isn’t coming, don’t force it. Use those moments to do something relaxing that’s just for you. Take a hot shower, listen to a song you love, use some gentle physical movement or relaxation strategies, and do some journaling about the details of this crazy journey you don’t want to forget. Trust your body to do what it needs to do in its own time.
For additional support, please reach out to a trained perinatal mental health therapist or sleep expert that has experience with perinatal populations.
CBT of Central Florida offers virtual and in-person pregnancy and post-partum therapy for birthing people and their partners. Therapist Eva S. Reichel has specialized training in perinatal mood & anxiety disorders by Postpartum Support International (PSI) and is accepting new clients. Request a consultation.