The Thinking-Feeling Connection: How Anxiety Emerges from Problematic Thoughts
Most people that step into my office believe that their emotional experience is influenced by external events, situations, and interactions with others.
For instance, we may hear ourselves say, “my parents make me so anxious,” “My boss makes me so nervous,” “This trip to the beach made me feel calm,” or “I’m depressed because that guy I went on a date with ghosted me.”
What is the string that ties all of these statements together? The idea that someone other than ourselves was responsible for the emotions we experience.
However, if we slow down and create the time to analyze the situation from moment to moment, we will actually find that there is another step in between.
How Our Thoughts Influence Our Feelings
What really impacts how we feel and the way we respond to situations? It is often not the situation itself, but rather how we perceive or interpret that situation. More specifically, it is our thoughts & beliefs about the situation that significantly impact our emotions, physiological responses, and actions.
It may be hard to buy into this idea fully, but let’s look at some examples.
Let’s say you go on a date. As you talk to your date, you notice that she responds with one-word answers, is looking around the room, and doesn’t initiate topics of conversation.
How would you feel if the thought running through your mind was, “Wow, she’s so rude! She’s not even trying!”?
How about if you thought, “She must really think I'm boring and unattractive. I’ll never find a girlfriend!”?
What if you were to think, “She must be shy and nervous on our first date. I can relate, I am nervous too.”?
You can probably sense that you would feel three different emotions as a result of these three different thoughts. What’s interesting is that we don’t always notice this narrative playing in our minds because these thoughts and beliefs are so automatic and they happen so quickly. But they do happen & they really shape the way we feel in any particular moment.
Automatic Thoughts
Just as the name suggests, our thoughts frequently play out outside of our conscious awareness. Some of our thinking is habitual and we are not consciously aware of most of our thoughts because they turn over so fast - it takes an active effort to slow them down in order to start noticing them. However, this is just what we need to do when we are aiming to improve our emotional well-being.
The ABC of CBT
The ABC technique is a go-to strategy in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to identify our “self-talk” by “catching our thoughts”. It works by connecting our thoughts to feelings, actions, and events.
To try this yourself, follow along!
1. First, fill out column C, the emotion & behavior that is causing you trouble. Write down words that describe how you feel. You are also encouraged to write down any physical sensations you experienced or actions you carried out.
2. Then fill out column A, by identifying the event(s) that may have contributed to these feelings. This can be an actual event or situation, a thought, mental picture or memory.
3. After that, fill out column B, by trying to “catch” the exact thought(s) that accompanied the event. Ask yourself, “What was going through my mind at the time?” “What was I saying to myself”. Try to identify the most distressing thought, and underline it. Lastly, rate how much you believe this thought between 0-100.
As you can see from these examples, this simple exercise can help us see patterns in our thinking that can shed light on problematic thoughts that may be irrational or unhelpful. Once we identify these patterns, you will have an easier time “catching” yourself before you fully fall into the trap of these thoughts.
These exercises can be done with a trained CBT therapist who can then also guide you through the process of disputing these thoughts and replacing them with more neutral or positive self-talk, and giving way to a more realistic interpretation of the events around you. At the very least, you will have a better understanding of the power of your thoughts in influencing your experience.
For more information on this topic, explore What is CBT? and CBT for Anxiety to learn more about the link between problematic thoughts and anxiety as well as the most effective treatment options.
CBT of Central Florida offers non-judgemental virtual and in-person CBT for anxiety. There’s no shame in getting help to live a better, more fulfilling life, and CBT is effective and works quickly. Request a consultation with one of our trained therapists.